Self-diagnosed insomniac

And that, I truly am. 4:19am. Awake on this friday morning, 22nd of May to be exact. I can't help but lay in my bed, stare up into my glow in the dark stars stuck to my ceiling, and just think about the past, present, and future. What have I done today? Did I waste the 24 hours that God grants each and everyone of us? Why do I complain that there's not enough hours in the day when I just sit on my lazy ass a portion of time? What are my plans tomorrow? What do I wear? What should I do? Who should I share my time with? These questions constantly meander in and out of my brain at such a quick pace that it overwhelms me. I just have to stop and sort things out, but the pounding on my head never fails to cause such immense migraines. Sometimes I complain, but in reality, I shouldn't. It's the only time I have alone, with peace and quiet, lying comfortably in my bed to think and ponder about life.

My mother has always taught me ever since I was a toddler to say my prayers at night. I can still remember when I was 5 years old, living in Brooklyn, my ateh and I would repeat after my Mom as she said our prayers. And till this very day I can remember every single word. After reciting the Lord's Prayer and Hail Mary we would say: "Lord God, please, guide and protect us always, especially mommy and daddy who are working. Please give us good health and peace to the whole world. Thank you for the blessings you've given us. Please enlighten our minds that we may do the right thing. Protect us from all evil and always be by our side. Amen." We would then add our own personal intentions then say the Angel of God. Sometimes, we would say the rosary too. My mother, one can say, is religious and I guess I somewhat took after that. I have always said my prayers every single night. And when I don't, I feel as though my day is not complete. Living in this generation, our minds are filled with nonsense that is echoed by the media, radio, television, newspapers and magazines. We get so caught up in our lives that we forget to thank the One Person who gave us life. That is what my mother taught me. To thank God for bringing light to another day and what it brings---the good and bad.

So right now, as I lay here on my bed, I think about my Mom and how important she is to me. She is my role model, my hero, my supporter, my friend, my mother. I look up to her in every way. She is the most giving, hardworking, selfless, most intelligent and loving person I know. I wonder how she manages to wake up 5am every day, come home at 6:30pm, cook dinner, clean the house, and help us with our homework, all with a smile on her face, for 17 years, ever since we moved from the Philippines in 1992. 17 years. It really hurts me to look at my parents working so hard to provide a good life for me and my sister. I know they're tired and I know they want to rest, relax and enjoy life. I just wish that I can help my parents more than what I do now. I want them to not work anymore and just live happily, stress and worry free. My parents motivate me to be the best I can be, try my hardest in whatever I do, be happy and successful in life. And that is exactly what I want. My biggest fear in life is my parents not being happy and not being proud of me. I think I couldn't live knowing that I have failed and have not reached my fullest potential to what my parents wished for me to be. I really couldn't...

I know this blog entry is getting morbid, maybe even emo in a way, but that is how I truly feel. I think about all these things at night. My parents, my sisters, my friends, school, the weather, clothes, anything. And maybe that's why I'm an insomniac. My mind continuously keeps thinking about things, subconsciously as I try to sleep. But now, I'm really tired. lol. I have a lot more to say, but I guess I'll just have to write another entry some other day. With that said, goodnight & sweet dreams.

POTD: Here's something that'll lighten up the mood. lol.QOTD: "The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose." >Robert Byrne

SOTD: Changes-2Pac